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Poem for Cerys Matthews (or proof that I am stupid)

Oh Cerys, for your love,
Id bang my head repeatedly against this desk -
Would this be sufficient test?
Id walk Cardiffs streets in a Swansea top
Would this make you feel hot?
Become a lifetime Tory voter,
To be a lifelong Cerys doter.
Get a Beckham cut to make myself look cuter -
Would you then believe Im your natural suitor?
Id roll about and shout your name,
Even in the pouring rain,
Dance wildly in the trees
If this would put you more at ease.
If what you need is someone thick as shit -
Let me tell you girl, Ill be it.